Any of you who are familiar with the Daily Mail will know it's stance in relation to immigration and it's stories about Polish plumbers etc. Well bearing that in mind I'd like to suggest what the column of a Polish version of the Daily Mail might look like. Imagine this opinion piece was written by Richard Littlejohn's Polish equivalent, Ryszard Małyjanek.
Poland has lost control of it's borders!! Since joining the European Union Poland has been over-run by hordes of British stag and hen parties. Cities like Krakow are struggling to cope with the sheer volume of people who come in search of cheap booze. When Poland joined the European Union the government assured us that the numbers coming would be low and managable and would only bring benefits, however their estimations were wrong. Now the focus group "stag party watch" has produced a report showing the true effects and consequences of the problem. The hard hitting report claims that the government has no idea how many stag parties are currently in Poland and that public services, particularly street cleaners and bouncers, are being stretched to the limit. One of the biggest problems cited by the report is that the price of a pint has almost doubled for the average Pole as a result of the strength of the pound. A spokesman for "stag party watch" commented " Poles who have lived here all their lives, paid their taxes and abided by the law are being hit hardest by this sharp increase in beer prices" adding " it's a bloody liberty". A spokesman for the local bars responded to these accusations, "the pints are there but the locals don't want to drink them, the Brits will come and pay the prices, what can you do?". However it's not just beer prices which have been effected by the wave of stag parties. The vast majority of the stag parties which come to Poland don't speak a word of Polish leading to more and more signs and posters being produced in English. A local taxi driver from Krakow commented "they come over here and expect everything to be translated for them into English, it's a bloody disgrace". When we asked for an interview with a government spokesman we were told that no-one was available but they did issue a statement in which they said "all in all the effect of stag and hen parties has been positive". This seems to be at odds with a poll carried out among readers of this paper in which we asked our un-biased and well informed readers "are stag parties to blame for the increase in unemployment, crime, terrorism and bird flu in Poland". The answers were stark. A whopping 93% of people answered yes and in another poll, 90% of people said they believed there should be some of qoutas for stag parties. The evidence is clear and it's time to act. Poland must regain control of it's borders and most importantly it's pubs.
